She Lied

When E was a bigtime meanie crying all the time cutting her first tooth, I thought I was going to die.. it was torture...everyone was giving me advice... you know I am a first time mom so therfore I still have the stamp on my forehead.. the one that must read "unsolicited advice appreciated". People were telling me everything I was doing wrong.. and some were telling me she wasn't even teething... Um then what are the whiteish/gray things emerging through her gums? Anyway 2 particular know it all "Super Moms" told me that the first tooth is the worst, they explained that she was fussing so much because she has never dealt with this kind of discomfort, and that the next one will be a breeze.. one mom even went so far as to say I wouldn't even know she was teething, she would just wake up one morning and it would be there....They went on to say that teething just like every other issue you deal with as a mom all comes down to your parenting skills, and how you handle things in your life... Well I'm here to set the record straight and tell ya that they lied... and while we are setting the record straight let me clear a few things up.

First of all while they may have been somewhat correct that the first one is the worst.. I don't think that has anything to do with a pain level.. or in Super Mom's words "discomfort"...... Hmph.... discomfort?!?!... that's a word I use to describe a bruise a few days after the injury, or pulling a band-aid off of your arm hair.. I'm a nurse.. I recall having said numerous time... "Can you rate your pain on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worse pain you have ever felt in your life and 1 being almost no pain at all"...you learn to tell the difference between someone who's in pain or just uncomfortable... and let me tell ya.. we were way more then uncomfortable.

Secondly she was not just "fussy".... fussy is a word I use when we have been out past naptime, this is more like, O my gosh, Imgonnaripmyhairout if this child doesn't stop screaming. It was no more then 30 minutes after I put her to sleep, that she was screaming... the only other time I have heard that I'mgonnadie scream was when the doctors were checking her ears and they were infected.

Thirdly, Now having went through Chinese water torture the second tooth I can assure you it was nothing close to "a breeze"... I mean seriously "super mom" must have checked into the Hilton and was receiving spa treatments while her child was teething, or has a mental block of the memories. I'm talking up every 45 minutes with a screaming child... some times I was so tired.. I would wake up in my bed and wonder where the baby was, and have to get up and go look to find her in her crib, because I was to tired at O'dark thirty  to remember the last few screaming hours.

I was texting with  AP from ILYMTC, as we were both dying a slow death dealing with teething babies, and she brought up a good point.. the last time I felt this tired and exhausted was when our babies were newborns...

Reminds me of a scene from Eat, Pray, Love.. where the medicine man is "healing" a toddler, the main character (Julia Roberts) asks the woman she is with "what is wrong with that boy", the woman replies that he is possessed by demons, Roberts says "Really?!?!.. Looks like teething", to which the woman replies "same thing!"

Well we made it through, or should I say the teeth made it through.. and then the storm seemed to calm down, and my happy, almost always smiling girl is back to normal. Of course I learned a few things... the first one is that of all of the teething rings, raz paci's, frozen chewy keys... the best thing we have found .. are you ready for this.. a washcloth dipped in apple juice and then frozen... was what helped me keep my sanity. Also humphrey's #3 teething tabs really did calm her down, well it took the screaming fits from Imgonnadie, down to Ihatemylife... O and it helped with E's screaming fits too!!!!!!!!!!!

As much as I said I would never do it.. I broke open that bottle of Jack and chugged it dipped my finger in it and rubbed it on her gums...before you go calling Child Protective Services re-read the part where I wrote "dipped my finger". It actually seemed to help!!!!!!

The most important thing I learned is don't flip out on your husband when your exhausted from being up all night, and he is in bed sleeping... remember sarah: he just had surgery a week ago, and is on pain killers, and even if he does go in there she is just going to to cry louder until you go in. When "super mom" starts rambling on about little miss goodie two shoes, and how she has slept through the night since she was a week old, and never even shed a tear while teething, and can sit, stand, and walk before 9 months.... Just wait and talk to her after baby number two comes along....then you can remind her how the first tooth is the worst.. but after that they are all just a Breeze!