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Monday, January 31, 2011

Because I'm a Kung-Fu Fighter

As I have talked about before, part of my job includes traveling onto a Military base. I do it every week and am used to the game of explaining to the gate guards why I am there, they will then send me through vehicle inspection, more questions, and then scan my info

Well today... I drove upto the (rent-a-cop) gate guard, handed him my license and explained my reason for entering the base...Sometimes the guards will just say "O.K. enjoy your day" and let me proceed through...Nope not today... He motioned for me to drive around through vehicle inspection, so I did.

I pulled up, they said I looked familiar, (im sure I did, I usually bring them baked goods, or coffee on my way onto the base THANK YOU U.S. MILITARY FOR YOUR DEDICATION TO OUR COUNTRY) handed over my info, and as usual opened all of my doors, my hood, and trunk. On any given day they would just walk around and say ok looks good...

NOT TODAY

I was standing in the BITTER cold waiting while they did their walk around..  all of the sudden I see them call for another guard with dogs... are ya freakin' kiddin' me with this. One of the men then asked me what plans I had for the "Clubs" in my backseat... What the H....


Then I remembered due to my husbands injury and the amount of time he will be off, he had to turn in his patrol car... and he cleaned out some of his police "tools" and some went in my car but didnt make it in the house.... and by some I mean the "clubs".... or really batons...If those rent-a-cops knew anything.. he would have known they were called batons and not clubs..
I started thinking up all of the things I should have said regarding my "plans"...for this..."club"..
"I earned it at my graduation for becoming a Kung-fu Fighter"
"Try breaking into my car I will show you what my PLAN is"
"Child discipline methods"
.....
The list could have went on and on... Because we all know sarcasm is my second language...

But I realized this is his job, and well... his dogs looked mean.. real mean...


 So, I quickly explained to him my husband is police officer and he put some of his stuff in my car.. his baton, traffic control light stick, combat type boots, and come court papers.... apparently I look like a liar because they asked for more proof to my story.... Really people.. really... shouldnt you be looking for middle age men with extreme amounts of facial hair and a a head wrap.... not a girl.. with a coach bag, and a chicco carseat base in the backseat. But no... he needed more then my explanation... 

Thank goodness I had a copy of my husbands police I.D. in my wallet which I showed him,  then he said I would need to put all of my "weapons" in the trunk of my car... First of all... its not illegal to carry a wooden baton in my car...I could understand if I would have had his glock, and handcuffs in the glovebox.. but seriously that stick is is few toothpicks away from being a baseball bat.But whatever I put them in the trunk, and shut it, got in my car... and was about to head off.. when another guard approached my (battleship) vehicle.. pointed to the crack in my windshield and asked "what happened"...  I thought to myself..."Why?... are you concerned if the glass gives way I could use the shards as a shank?????" ....I really was not in the mood... so I smiled and replied... "hmmmm looks to me like it's cracked", gave him a quick wink.. and got the heck out of their.

I mean come on.... do I really look Dangerous.... or do they just have NOTHING to do with their time, we were literally out in the 20 degree weather.. discussing the uses of a Louisville slugger.. I was freezing.
Honestly, I kind of feel bad for them.. because....well, there not even real cops... more like glorified security guards.

(my apologies to anyone reading this who is a "gate guard" or related to one.... I am very thankful to all of our service men/women.... but these guys.. well they sorta got on my last nerve)





2 comments:

Jen Watts said...

Too funny!

Mrs Not So Newlywed said...

I love your sarcasm! I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut too.