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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

And you called 911 for that?

The following is a true story of a recent call for service, that was handled by Mr. Policeman.

The time was roughly 11pm, the sun had set, the day was near its end.... this could only mean one thing... the crazies... just got crazier.
Mr. Policeman was dispatched to the following call "Domestic Dispute between middle aged white man, his wife, and...... DING, DING, DING, you guessed it, another woman". Mr. Policeman arrived on scene, and was greeted by Middle aged white man, he was roughly 275, frequented the tattoo parlor and favored the design of "the bulldog". His head was bic'd clean, and his face full of hair, and a body full of metal. 

He was angry, and reeked of alcohol, and this was his story.
He and wife attended a wedding, spent most of the time at the bar, quickly became sloshed and met another woman. The festivities were dying down, and guests were headed home.  Drunken husband in his state of extreme intelligence decided it would be a good idea to take their new found female friend home with them, so she wouldn't have to drive her also drunken self home. Wife was too drunk to realize the problem with this situation....... until the effects of her extreme partying began to fade, and they arrive home. 

Upon arrival at the love shack, drunken stupid husband suggests wife should sleep it off while he ever so graciously offers single white (also drunk) female a ride home. Obviously wife now finds a problem with their new friend, and begins to argue with drunken, stupid husband.. who still sees no problem with this arrangement. While its not suggested to argue with the inebriated, its just  insane to argue with stupid. After a few minutes she has had enough and walked out.

At this point in the drunken mans recollection of how the evening went down, he is already in tears... yes you heard me correct metal man, is in tears. He was saying things like " I don't know why she is so upset with me", and "I really just need somebody to love me". Give this man a tampon and send him on his way would ya.

So Mr. Policeman ask's him, "Im confused, why did you call the police?", Drunk, Stupid, Crying man tearfully replies, "Because she left, and I wanted her stay."

Seriously people.. I am beginning to think drunks have 911 on speed dial. Good thing you can't txt into the dispatch could you imagine that, drunk texting at its finest!!!

Mr. Policeman is not enjoying this comedic call, more then he thought he would. He told me it was truly a sight to see, this big tatted, pierced guy, now to the point of sobbing. So Mr. P told him that there was nothing he could do for the man, the woman could come and go as she pleased she was an adult. He asked where the  other woman was who came home with them, however the hungover husband, had no clue. Mr. P looked around and she was nowhere to be found. For all I know her and the wife ran off together.

It was about the time where they were going to make sure this hungover husband would make it safely back in his residence to sleep it off, when he said to the officers..... "So you're just going to leave me here, all alone?" When they told him they had other real calls to handle, and couldn't stick around to play Jerry Springer any longer.. the hungover man looked at them with tears in his eyes, and said....

"why do you have to be so mean to me, all i wanted was somebody to spend quality time with me, and make me feel special" 


Shayla said...

oh my!

Well, I am so glad to hear your husband does not hang around other men and make them feel special in the evening. . . that is CRAZY

but I have to tell you. . . I laughed pretty hard at that last comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh goodness. . . its amazing what you see when you work with the public!!!! I work the front desk at an elementary school. I once had a grandmother come in to pick up her grandson. . .what was she wearing??? a one piece bathing suit. . . thats it. . . no shoes, no cover up, nothing. . . just a one piece. . . her comment "Its cold in here" . . . um YA THINK?????!!!!!!

Mrs Not So Newlywed said...

Oh my goodness!!!!!! Thanks for the fantastic laugh! I'm glad no one was home to hear my hysterics over this!