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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Just who is she really?!?!


Just who is she really?!?!

To be completely honest, I have to ask myself the same question sometimes.  Up until I had a baby, I knew my identity pretty well, or at least I thought I did, I was a  L&D Nurse, and then a plastics Nurse, I felt accomplished in my continuing education, and training that kept my certifications up to date.

Then I got married to an amazing man, almost 6 years ago, and became a wife, a cop wife to be exact. I loved living as DINKs (Dual Income No Kids), you can come as go as your please, spend on whatever regardless if it's justifiable, and really outside of paying the bills, and putting in your 40 a week, there wasn't really a care in the world..... ahhhhh I remember the saturday's that I could sleep until noon if I chose, stay out until whatever time... 

Then about 3 years later, I found out I was pregnant. That right there... completely changes your whole freakin world with one tiny pink line on a 9.99 preggo test. Suddenly I was questioning our choice of vehicles, residence, and even checking into the amount of BPA in out household. 

All of the sudden the way money is spent shifts direction, oh, you are still spending just as much, but instead of a coach bag, now I'm buying bumbo's & brands like Tommy Tippee. I found myself bringing up conversations at dinner parties, regarding disposies or cloth, rear or forward facing, trying to learn my playing field... but I'm not so sure I knew my identity in that moment, Sure, I was married to a great law enforcement officer, I had attended all of the most recent Laser Medical conferences covering everything from botox, to thermage, IPL's, and the like. I loved my job, threw weekly dinner parties, played around with photography... 

Fast forward a few months, to the moment that I held that 6 and a half pounds in my arms for the first time, it was in that second... that I knew my exact identity.. who was I, ... I was this girls mama. Nothing else mattered. Something so incredibly small, covered in vernix, and screaming at intense decibels, helped me to define just who I was, and I was more then content with that. 

We all know just what the newborn days can do to ones mind, so we wont really talk about who or what I thought I was then.. 

Now.. present day, I didn't return to nursing, instead shortly after having my daughter I launched from a hobby of photography into a business that I *thought* would just be a small part time thing. Now I run a small business that keeps me busy about 40 hours a week, I do get to set my own hours somewhat, and spend alot of time responding to emails while I am also having a tea party dressed like Belle from beauty and the beast. 

There are times, when chasing after a crazy, fun, beautiful 2 year old (come on toddler mamas, you hear me... the most prominent word in that description was CRAZY), responding to emails, meeting clients, editing, prepping supplies for preschool, tending to a house, a husband, and a dog I kinda wish wasnt really part of our family.. I start questioning who I am again. 

Days get long, sick kids make nights even longer, housework piles up, work gets crazy busy when everyone waits until the last minutes to schedule family Christmas card pics. The carpets need to be vacuumed, the dishes to be washed, and don't even talk about the bottom drawer in the refrigerator .. I mean come on, were being honest here..

That sweet, crazy, free spirited 2 year old climbs into my lap, tells me how much she loves me, and snuggles for ahh I don't know 2.5 seconds before moving on to the next thing... and I realize, It all comes back again.. who am I .. I'm a mama...

A mama who likes good wine, romantic comedies, a well broken in pair of running shoes, pumkin roll scentsy bars. I drive a nissan pathfinder, prefer yoga pants over any other pant options, has a mild peppermint addiction, has not yet missed an episode of Grays Anatomy, kinda wishes that it could be Christmas all year round... and loves a warm cup of coffee on a chilly day!

Thats me... first I am a mama, and then all those other things, well yea thats me too!

Wanna tell about you? and your story too? Head on over to From Mrs. to Mama and link up!    

9 comments:

Callie Nicole said...

Love this post! Having a baby really does change everything, but I wouldn't trade that identity of being a mama for being anything else. :-)

Tiffany said...

I just found you on the link up and I am so happy I did! Your baby is adorable and I can't wait to read more posts and get to know you better!

Mommy Mandy said...

Love this post! I think it's something all us moms struggle with..trying to be moms and figure out who we are

Mrs. H said...

I can relate to everything you just said, my post was so similar! Glad I found your blog to follow along!

Kate as of Late said...

This was beautiful!!
The little reminders to stay grounded are what make life worthl living sometimes!
Love your blog!

13.1 Miles to Disney said...

I'm here from the link up and as soon as I saw the title of your blog I knew I had found a friend. I can't wait to learn more about you!

Megan Dustin said...

Love this...I'm recently finding my way as a new mama too. What an adventure! Thanks for posting-I'm a new follower! Stop by my blog to say hi!
- Meg
Www.asouthernbellefromnj.com

gavinafamily.com said...

Stopping by from the link-up! Love your blog! :) I'm struggling with knowing who I am (as my blog post proves today, I think) and praying I have the same clarity you did when I have our baby in February. I'll be reading for sure!

Angela said...

Found you on Women Connect...look forward to following your blog. I love that you decided to follow your passion of photography...one of my best friends actually did the same thing after having her 2nd child. Stop by my blog if you'd like :)